"So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."
-Romans 7:14-20

Posted at 10:49 PM

WOW it's been a while since I've posted in this.
Jake sent me a video today! Man, I like that boy.
Too bad he's six hours away for the next nine months.

Posted at 5:03 PM

My generation is going nowhere.

I look around at all of them, save a few, and am disappointed. Sure, they're all teenagers, and who would expect them to actually care about more than themselves and their friends?
I would.
In a world where so many horrible things are happening, everyone should care. Everyone should do their part to make this a better place.
Instead of worrying about what color to dye their hair, or what the new "scene" fashion is, maybe they should worry about what human beings are going to sleep hungry tonight. Maybe they should worry about what young children are dying in a genocide today. Maybe they should give a damn...
but they don't.
They all decide they want to "increase the peace" and that they want to make this world a better place, but I don't see any of them actually trying in the least, and it's disappointing.
For a generation that's uncaring and unmotivated, what's going to become of them?
When are they going to mature, shape up and start caring about more than themselves? Hopefully soon, because our country needs some major reform, and that's not going to happen unless they set an example for their community. However, most of them won't. They'll just keep going on their merry little way, taking myspace pixz with their BfFlZzZ and caring about what boii or grrrl is interested in them. TeEhEe!!!!
Seeing all of that makes me really proud of the few people I know that do care, and that do reach out to their community, because in the end, they're the ones that will make a difference. They're the ones who will have made their lives, and the lives of everyone around them better.
Thank you, intelligent and selfless teens of today. Maybe there is a tiny, minuscule ray of hope for America's future. Maybe. Keep making this world better.

Posted at 1:25 PM

This I wrote at the end of February:

So I was on the bus this morning listening to the Beatles, when I had a revelation. Thus emerging this blog:

I think I could use a readjustment. What I've realized is that there are things in life that will just... come to you.
Love is one of them. While love is something that generally comes in a constant stream from friends and family, I've realized that when it comes in terms of romance, it finds you.
Now, how this affects me...
What I need to do is get my life in line. Everything needs to be in line with my friends, family, grades, responsibilities, etc. before love will even think of finding me. I mean, why would something that was meant to happen happen before that? I need to work on just living life right now. There's so much I could be doing to fufill my life that I'm not.
When all my extra-currics slow down, I plan on addressing this. What made me think of this was a note Ryan wrote on facebook. He was talking about balancing our responsibilities on three levels, and I think he's right. I spend way too much time working on helping my smallest circle- those that are closest to me. I need to pay more attention to the expansive world around me. There's so much that I could be doing to help that I'm not. That's why I plan on volunteering, starting in april, at the recycling center and at least one other place. Right now I'm considering Noah's Ark or a homeless shelter or soup kitchen for that.
As for helping on a global scale, that won't be for a while. The most I can do right now is volunteer for the Obama campaign, because God only knows how global that is. But later I plan on joining the peace corps, and I'm sure I'll end up living in another country or working on a global scale. I just really want to help people.
As for right now, I just need to be more thankful for the amazing people I have in my life. They support me probably more than I realize most of the time, and I really should appreciate them more. Shar and Erika yesterday helped me more than I could possibly thank them for, and I realized how much my friends do care. I get by with a little help from my friends. And oh haven't I realized that lately. And boy, do I love them for it.
One thing Ryan said to me the other day as a blog comment kind of stood out to me: "Don't worry, the same thing will happen to all of us. We'll go off to college, meet some amazing people, fall in love, and enjoy life." And I realized that he was right. The only thing high school is worth is for shaping myself to be the person I'll be later in life, and establishing friendships that hopefully will last. Oh, and not to mention getting into college.
I realized (again as I listened to the Beatles) that everything really does happen for a reason. That there's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. What is meant to happen will happen. All I should worry about right now is how I can make myself better, and live my life. A relationship will come at the right moment.

Posted at 11:56 PM

This I wrote around Valentine's Day this year.

One thing I have noticed is that all humans have the universal ability to love. And all humans are on a quest to find love, to find acceptance, whether they want to admit it or not.
As I was making my rounds on the internet, I stopped by PostSecret, as it's sunday. Since Valentine's Day happens to be this week, all of the secrets were love-related, and they had an impacting video full of other secrets.
It's surprising and it's not to see the volume of love-related secrets. Being myself, I try not to dwell on romance, and forget that it's such a universal thing. But at the same time, I realize that I am too a victim of this love experience.
God only knows how much I long for somebody that could understand me and accept me as more than a friend. And God only knows that isn't going to happen right now. It seems everyone is moving into this relationship trend right now, and I desperately want to join the bandwagon. How come the one time I want to follow, I have no ability to? As far as I'm concerned, none of the boys want to take a dip in my fountain right now. And I don't know a large enough volume of them to find one that would.
So as I sit here in my longing, I realize that this blog has no point but for me to whine, but I also realize that I should be more grateful. I mean, I'm not living in an area that arranges me into a forced marriage at the age of fourteen, but this freedom is, at the moment, my burden.
I want a boy damnit.
Alas, I'll never find a valentine. How is it that I manage to find boys in the summer, fall and winter, but none of them last through "the holiday"?
Now, I could be whining about how I have a specific boy in mind and am facing a horrendously painful unrequited love situation, but I think that would be a lie. I don't have a boy in mind, and none of them return my love.
I'm not going to pretend that I'm all depressed and about to commit suicide either, because that would be outrageous, and I, too, get very annoyed with persons who do this. I am a very frustrated panda, however.
I know I have to wait. I know someone will come along at the right moment. I know that I shouldn't (and don't) put stock into high school relationships, because all they are is practice for the ones we come across as adults. I know all this, but that doesn't stop me from wishing.

If anyone has decided to read this, I doubt they will have made it to the end, but if they did, props man. I give you props. Obviously you must care somewhat about me as a person, or just have nothing more constructive to do, but either way, I think you should be my best friend if you aren't already.

Oh, and if anyone wants to be my valentine, please, let me know. Even if it's just for a day, let's fall in love.
:)

Posted at 11:55 PM

One thing I find myself noticing every day is that everyone (with few exceptions) is the same. At least, within the teenage populace anyway.
I look around the hallways at Hononegah and see a blur of faces, most of them indistinct from the others. Nothing sets most of these people apart from one another. Their interests, personalities are all so similar.
Yet they all seem to think they're the most unique. It's incredibly ironic. I find myself thinking similarly so often, and that bothers me. I have come to admit that I am no different, but does that admittance make me different? And does my thinking that admittance makes me different make me the same? It's a never-ending paradox. One that I can't seem to escape.
I guess it's all irrelevant.
Since I've noticed this, I've also noticed that I tend to gravitate toward the people who truly are different from the rest. The people that don't fit into the accepted societal stereotypes (even the 'weirdo' and 'nerd' stereotypes). I look at the people I'm closest to, and realize that I am probably close to them because of their differences. Their different perspectives relieve the monotony that would otherwise be my daily life, and make it refreshing to do the otherwise monotonous things I do every day.
And even in blogging about the similarities of the world around me, I can't avoid being similar myself to all the other people writing blogs about everyday life.
Ah, irony and my paradoxical life.

Posted at 11:42 PM

hmm my original goal of keeping up with this didn't work.

but as for that list i made in september, i achieved most of my goals.
i got a job at the shizz plizz.
i had a boyfriend for approximately three months.
i'm doing better in school now i guess.
i got all my license stuff in and got my license.
i made WYSE.
my friends visited me.
i made new friends.
i did a lot.
however, i did not:
lose weight, save money, or make the fall play.

i'll live, i think.
although, losing weight and saving money might be a good idea.

life has been pretty good lately. i've gotten ungrounded, and my bees are starting to come home from kolidge. school is almost out, and i'm ready to be free.

i've been reading a lot lately, and it's making me happy. :)
i recently finished the twilight series, which appealed greatly to my hormones and was a very nice read, in terms of romances. i needed a good romance, and i think that series raised the bar on my male standards, which may or may not be a good thing.
also, i'm rereading the deathly hallows. bri said it was better the second time around, and so far i'd agree. i love my hp.

prom was this past weekend! brittney and i were each other's dates, and we saved each other. i didn't have to go with this creep that asked me, and she didn't have to go with amanda and dalton. :) it worked out well and it was a ton of fun. probably one of the most casual dances i've been to, in terms of the eating at jimmy johns and taking about five pictures. i liked it.

anyways, i believe i have more reading to do.
it's been and nice day, i'd say.

Posted at 9:31 PM

Let's see...

My To-Do list for this fall:

get a job
get a boyfriend (good luck Anna)
do perfectly in school (or at least, really really well)
lose weight (I gained way too much this summer)
get my driving hours in (extremely important. need license BY january 20th.)
on that same note, get my safety first drives in.
try and divide my time up equally between my babes
go to all the concerts that I have planned
at the same time, save up for a car.
make the fall play
make WYSE
convince Madame to stay until 2010. (we WILL convince her.)
get a second job, if necessary. (and by second, I mean third, since I never work for RAR lately.)
visit mah babes in college: brian = concerts, brett and jacob = go visit, claire = maybe concert or shopping trip with rachel (call claire to get coffee)
make new friends
find some way to break the monotony of roscoe
get clothes I like. (Every morning I can't find anything to wear.)
balance out my life, in general.

I have high expectations, what can I say?
We'll see how this goes. I hope to at least accomplish half of it. I'll italicize ones I accomplish, bold the more important ones, and enlarge the ones to keep trying for. :]:}

much love,
Anna.

Labels: fall, life, to do

Posted at 1:11 PM

*sigh.

I guess I could have predicted today would be like this this morning. Everything about today was just sub-par. Right from when I woke up.

So tonight Tanya, Erika and I had plans, but Tanya and I are both feeling antisocial so we just decided not to do anything. For both of us, we are having one of those nights where we feel a mixture of sadness and laziness. And the sadness I think is best described the way Bri(anna) put it:

bri is a horcrux (8:05:58 PM): why are you sad?

ANNAis tehROXORZ (8:01:20 PM): i don't even know

ANNAis tehROXORZ (8:01:29 PM): but i think i need some time to myself

bri is a horcrux (8:06:18 PM): yeah i hate that

bri is a horcrux (8:06:31 PM): when you dont even know why your sad? but it just tears you up inside?

bri is a horcrux (8:06:35 PM): and you have nothing to do about it?

ANNAis tehROXORZ (8:01:53 PM): *sigh

ANNAis tehROXORZ (8:01:54 PM): yes

I don't know. I just feel kind of discontent. I think part of it might have something to do with so many of my friends being off at college. Not necessarily that I miss them, I mean, it's been like three weeks for Christ's sake. It's more that I feel kind of left behind I guess. I want to be off exploring the city and having adventures! I'm sick of Roscoe, and being stuck here. Why am I unlucky enough to reside in such a shitty area? I mean, the one thing I love about it is the people. Everything else just seriously sucks. You have to drive everywhere, there's nothing to do, and the stuff there is to do costs money... and the gas here is more expensive than about 90% of America. How unlucky can I get?
I want to live somewhere like Madison. There's so much to do! And people drive, but not very often, at least not downtown. Everyone walks, takes the bus, rides bikes. And the entire city is just so liberal. It's my kind of place.
Anywhere but here would be nice right about now.

I don't know. I just need some variety; everything is so monotonous. "Hey guys want to do something?" "Sure! K our choices are movie, dinner or park. Pick one."
*shoots self in head.
I want to try something new. Find somewhere new to hang out. Have new fun.
I want more friends. I want new and exciting things.
And God knows I won't find new or exciting here.

Maybe once I can drive. I can start getting out of here on a more regular basis. Trips to Chicago, Madison, Milwaukee. Even just to the middle of nowhere.
Anything to break the monotony.

And most of all right now, I wish my parents would give me more freedom. Good God. You can't keep control of me forever. It's like they're begging for me to rebel. Here's let's make Anna's curfew 11, and even though she has one control where she goes, too. No, you with who? You can't go. Why do you want to go there? What're you going to do?
God, just let go.

hmm well, I guess that's all for now.

Posted at 8:49 PM